O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
