I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
