I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
only if we run a train.
done.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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