1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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