I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
