Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
