If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I love having hate sex.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
