wat bout pragnant strippers??
someone get that fucking seahorse.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just want to make out with him forever
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
