someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
