oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
