I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
