is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
