Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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