if only i could text you this smell
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
