what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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