Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
