Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
