remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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