I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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