one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
