My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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