guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
