I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
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I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
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Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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