never play flip cup with pint glasses
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
