a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
