I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
