He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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