she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
