I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
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