I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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