toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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