Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
