Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
