The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
