fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
