Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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