I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
