Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
