I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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