In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Are my feet made of real feet?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
