A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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