beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
