he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
