can u get pink eye on your cock?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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