Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
