i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
