Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
