how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
