Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
