saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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