Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
