Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
