Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
