your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
