Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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