They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
