I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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