she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
