i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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