loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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