He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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