Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
even my farts smell like vagina
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
