That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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