so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
