Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
