My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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