overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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