if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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