Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
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