Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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